You’ll be surprised how often we get to hear goals like “Getting married to him”. There are many things in life that you can accomplish all by yourself, but, to put it mildly, you need at least a little bit of “cooperation” from a prospective husband.
How come that we fall into that trap of setting common goals without even realizing it! There are several dangers here and today, as always, we will help you navigate them.
One family, ergo one road
It was just another 90-day goal for Niki when he opened the book “The Five Love Languages “. His initial intention was simply to read it and see if there would be anything worth applying in his vision for a happy home.
But almost immediately he realized that a family’s well-being can’t be achieved by him alone. He had to somehow get his wife engaged in this as well.
It wasn’t easy for him to get out of his comfort zone but he did it. He told her about the book.
Speaking the same language
It was a totally new experience for both of them to read together this book.
The author’s ideas made them engage in some very interesting discussions. They both had to reconsider the ways in which everybody in the family expresses their love. Words became actions, and actions led to remarkable results. Moreover, Niki’s decision to read the book turned out to be a goal of the “domino” type.
What’s the moral of the story here
It shows how the effect of our actions is greatly multiplied when everybody involved takes an active part from start to finish. But you have to first recognize the goal as being a common one and then make sure that the other person would embrace it as their own as well. When the two of you are on the same frequency the cumulative effect of your actions is considerably greater.
Sometimes, though, things may not work out that way.
When you can’t do it all alone
You may take on an endeavor that you consider to be yours and only yours but if you are mistaken it can cost you a lot. And instead of a partner, you could get sided with a saboteur.
There are three things to watch out for:
1) What is your objective? Have you defined it clearly? Our formula has always been that it must be made of actions that depend on you rather than on the result alone.
2) To what degree success is conditional on other people? How does it relate to their actions and how does it affect them? Do they see it the same way as you do?
3) Who are they? What is it that connects you to them – common goals or common principles?
“Spheres of influence”
For some things in life you are solely responsible and then there are those “spheres” for which you have to bring in other people. Sometimes it’s easy to tell which one is which but in some cases it is quite tricky to differentiate.
We will look now at some examples and then examine in greater detail the problems as well as the possible solutions.
Let’s suppose that an important element of your vision for health is to exercise on a regular basis, i.e. you plan to do it three times a week with a personal trainer.
So far so good, right? However, if you don’t know exactly what you expect, then you probably won’t be able to communicate it well to the gym instructor either. You might have many and quite various reasons. Maybe you want to add some muscle mass or to lose weight or get ready for a bike race…
What’s the problem with this?
Asking for help without opening up fully
Even if it is a personal goal, it is important to communicate it clearly to anyone who is willing to come to your aid. Otherwise, there is a good chance their effort will be wasted and you will manage to register only some minor progress.
It seems that most of our mistakes are in our relationships with those closest to us.
Let’s say you may want to break the monotony of the work week and therefore you both with your spouse start meeting with friends on a Wednesday night. And that would be perfectly okay except that you somehow forgot to mention to your wife the real motivation behind this.
Sooner or later she will realize the mandatory nature of going out in the middle of the week. She will feel that her opinions being taken for granted. And that’s a cardinal sin in any relationship. Here is what you did wrong:
You expect a commitment but you aren’t quite open about its purpose
The problem is that the goal has been set as a personal one while in reality, it requires the input of others as well. And without a meaningful talk between the two of you, the whole thing could be perceived by her as pointless if not outright annoying. She might very well just refuse to do it anymore.
When you are single managing your finances is easy and straightforward. But in a family, or in any relationship for that matter, this has the potential of becoming the apple of discord.
One thing is quite clear – it’s a bad idea to go into some risky investments without telling your spouse. But it is also close to impossible if you are the only one trying to work out a plan on how to get rid of your debt.
A goal and its action are out of sync
When it comes to the family and money matters almost all the time it must be a joint effort. As such it requires strategies and actions to be fully agreed on by both parties.
That’s the only way to avoid strained relationship and ultimately poor financial results.
You might agree that it’s far easier to complain about your work environment than to emphasize what you like about it, what motivates you, how you want to grow professionally.
As an employee, you may consider your workplace plans being somewhat private and therefore never reveal them to your supervisors. This could end badly, of course.
The lack of feedback is a major drawback
This type of communication is essential for those in leadership positions since they determine the direction of the employee’s career growth. Any boss is perfectly aware that business can grow only if the employees do too.
The career plans of each worker can directly affect managerial decisions. Keeping the vocational aspirations to yourself, you’re significantly reducing the chances for professional advancement.
If you’re running your own company and have a partner, then it is crucial that you both have the same understanding of the future of the business. This is hardly any news.
There is also something else here which is a bit harder to sense. It’s vital that the entire workforce is fully aware and committed to the day-to-day as well as the strategic objectives of the business. There is nothing worse for the morale than to have your marching orders given without any explanation and justification. Why is that?
“Attitude is everything”
The way you treat your co-workers will determine what you get in return. If you are not open enough, they’ll get the wrong message that you don’t see them as an important part of the project, or that you don’t consider them important enough to know where the company is heading.
Well, in that case, you can’t expect them to do their best. When you want someone to work towards what you want, they must not only be aware of that but also to fully understand what it is about.
When you made your life mission a meaningful and inspiring endeavor for many others and you share it with a partner then one can say you’ve achieved the rank of a “Top Gun” in common goals.
We want to show you how we do it in “GoalBudy”. Each of us might have different ideas for the 90-day goals related to our mission which is to help as many people as possible to fully realize their dreams. That’s why every quarter we review, analyze and start working only on the objectives that we are in agreement. We pursue those that point in the same direction and are in step with each other. That will, therefore, bring in the best outcome.
The three factors contributing to a failure
So far we established that some goals present themselves as yours, but in fact, they are requiring the involvement of others as well. The consequences are inevitable after you make the following critical missteps. We’ll look at them one by one and will also suggest how to avoid them.
#1 The objective is not fully formed in your own mind
When formulating a goal it is paramount to know why you want it and where it will take you. Thus, your vision will be a constant guiding force steering you along the way.
Only if that’s the case you will be able to successfully present it to the rest of the world.
# 2 Lack of communication
The most damaging execution of an idea is to go with it full throttle and yet never communicate it well to those who are supposed to implement it. If they don’t know what you are specifically aiming to achieve, and what you want from them, they are much more likely to perceive your requirements as meaningless and even unreasonable. This will obviously result in less than an earnest acceptance of it and perhaps an outright opposition to it.
You are on 6th gear and they are shifting in reverse instead.
If you clearly explain what your intentions are and how you see everybody’s role, then you’ll have a better chance of getting them on the same page as you.
Couple of thoughts about sharing
In fact, even when a given goal is just yours, it’s still worth talking about it. That’s why you have a Goal Buddy in the first place. In practice, that’s the factor that has the greatest impact on you being steadfast and staying on track. Your partner keeps you in check and wants you to succeed as much as you do.
# 3 Same objective but differing principles
To your attention: you should surround yourself with people who share your principles and not just your goals.
Our overall values are like an operating system that makes our life run. They are not supposed to change much while different goals come and go all the time.
We both can comfortably claim that we have the same set of principles aimed at contributing to people’s lives and having a positive impact on society. And the common goals in the context of our “GoalBuddy” system came into existence only at a later stage. Having the same philosophy and direction guarantees we can achieve any common dream of ours.
If you try to work with people on the basis of only fleeting interests, then you run the risk of experiencing disappointments and failing friendships.
Does it sound complicated? Make it simple then!
Any plans requiring the participation of others are a bigger challenge and the likelihood of failure is, therefore, greater.
We would like to suggest something:
When you are just starting with a sophisticated system for setting, analyzing, and achieving goals, it is good to make sure that your first attempts be such that they depend exclusively on you. After you get more experience and confidence you can dive in the deeper waters of shared objectives.
That’s how you can do it
You must define an action that is dependent entirely on you and not oriented towards something that rests on others. For example, try to build the habit of good sleep, regular physical exercise, sufficient hydration, etc. Or reserve certain hours for reading a book or research on a topic of interest. And no more of “goals” like “Getting married to him “! 🙂
Thank you very much.